Learning to Linger

Seasons of change have a way of reminding us just how dependent we are on God. When I stepped away from teaching Bible studies in May, I knew I needed more time with Him. I decided I would read through the entire Bible over the next year and a half – something I had never done before. I had a plan and, of course, a pace in mind. But lately, that plan hasn’t been going quite the way I expected.

I have found myself lingering in certain places much longer than I intended. Concepts I once seemed to grasp easily suddenly feel harder, and if I am being truthful, that has been frustrating. I have always loved studying Scripture – digging into context, theology, meanings, and connections. That scholarly side of my brain has served me well, especially in my school studies and while teaching Bible studies. But lately, I have found myself struggling to quiet it.

Instead of simply reading God’s Word and seeing His goodness in it, I can feel myself searching for something to understand, explain, or figure out. The harder I try to push forward, the more I seem to struggle to understand and retain what I have just read. And somewhere in that struggle, I have begun to wonder if perhaps I am trying too hard to do something God never asked me to do. Maybe I have grown so used to studying Scripture that I have forgotten the quiet comfort of simply resting in its truth.

This realization has caused me to think about when I first gave my life to Jesus. I knew so little then compared to what I know today. I couldn’t explain doctrine, theology, historical context or tell you where the book of John was. I didn’t understand how all the pieces of Scripture fit together, and there were plenty of questions I couldn’t answer. Yet none of that kept me from trusting Him. I knew Jesus had changed my life. I knew I needed Him. I knew He was good, and I trusted Him. There was a simplicity to my faith that wasn’t dependent upon how much I understood.

Maybe God is purposefully taking me back there – not backward in my faith, but deeper into the foundation of it. Perhaps He is reminding me that Scripture isn’t something I have to master. It is His Word, given so that I might know Him. I am slowly learning again that knowing Him may sometimes look like spending an hour studying a passage, digging into every word and its meaning. But other times, it may mean sitting quietly with one verse and allowing it to settle into my heart.

I don’t always have to finish another chapter, fill another page with notes, or walk away with every question answered. I am learning that lingering isn’t falling behind. Instead, I am embracing the slower pace and trusting that God may be showing me something I would have missed if I had simply kept rushing ahead.

For me, one of the greatest comforts during this season has been Philippians 1:6 in which Paul reminds believer that “he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” What God began in me all those years ago did not depend upon how much I understood then, and His ability to finish that work does not depend upon how much I understand today. He began it, He has sustained it, and He will complete it. There is tremendous freedom in remembering that.

So maybe I won’t finish reading the Bible according to the schedule I created. Maybe there will be more passages where God asks me to linger. Maybe there will be questions I cannot immediately answer and truths that take time to understand. I am learning to be okay with that.

My goal was to get through His Word, but perhaps His desire is for His Word to continue working its way through me. For that, I am grateful. Even in a difficult season, God is reminding me of something I knew when I first came to Him: I don’t have to know everything to trust Him. I don’t have to understand everything to rely upon Him. And I don’t have to see what He is doing to have hope in Him. Christ has already given me every reason to trust Him. He is good. He is faithful. His Word is true. His grace is sufficient. And the God who began His work in me will be faithful to finish what He started.

In what areas have you found yourself relying more on your own knowledge, strength, or ability than on God? Where in your life is God asking you to trust Him even though you do not fully understand what He is doing? Where might God be inviting you to linger rather than rush ahead in this season of your life? Please share in the comments.