Diary of Jesus

The other day I came across a Facebook reel where a young woman talked about what the “Diary of Jesus” would look like if He wrote about His day watching her. I thought that it was not only an interesting and unique thought but that it was a terrific way to deeply reflect on one’s day and self.

So, this morning, I made my coffee and headed to the porch to sit down and talk with Jesus about what His “diary” of my life would look like. I immediately thought that it would begin with Him expressing His pleasure that I woke up yesterday, eager to have coffee with Him, but instead His diary began with sorrow.

Upon rising, she headed to the bathroom to wash her face as she always does. She must not have heard me say good morning to her as soon as she opened her eyes. I wish she had, because she would have known immediately that it was going to be a good morning, instead of looking so sad as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. I watched her as she examined the wrinkles by her eyes. I heard her thoughts as she told herself that she was old looking and ugly, that she should get Botox or begin using some type of miracle cream, as the idea of Botox really does scare her. I whispered to her that she was beautiful. I tried to remind her of all the times that she laughed or smiled as each line by her eyes represented those wonderful moments but she could not hear me as the intruding voices in her head were drowning me out. Giving up on how she looked, she walked over to the scale to weigh herself. She quickly stepped off, glancing at herself in the mirror. Sadness and defeat were beginning to consume her.

Dear child, do not be sad. So, what if you have not lost all your weight yet? You will. Give it time. I tried to remind her of the good moments that have caused her to gain weight. Her and Joe sitting on the tailgate of his truck, eating ice cream cones during the summer or exploring different restaurants while on their honeymoon, or afternoon lunches with friends after church. These were all great reasons, but again, she could not hear me as she was allowing the noise in her head to grow louder. I know that she does not carry vanity in her heart, but I am saddened that the enemy is sneaking in and making her feel like she is less than the ideal that he has set forth in the world. I wanted her more than anything to remember that she was wonderfully made by my Father.

As I sat with Jesus, sipping on my coffee, my heart began to ache. Never in my life would I have ever wanted to cause sorrow to Jesus. Has He not suffered enough? He surely does not need me adding to it.

I had to admit that I have always had body image issues since I was a child. This was nothing new to me, but I was learning to accept who I was at the present moment in time. My husband Joe and I had begun a new eating and exercise regimen and I knew, rationally, that losing weight does not just happen overnight. It takes time and effort and eventually, I will begin seeing the results. I mean honestly, it was only the third day of the New Year and I had been sick since Christmas. Why was I allowing the enemy to make me feel less than I am?

As for my wrinkles, I wondered why I was suddenly so concerned with how I was aging. Truth be told, I have always been blessed with great skin and despite whatever age I was, I have always looked younger. In fact, it was definitely something that I disliked as a teen because all of my high school friends could pass for 21, while I looked like I was 12 years old. Truly, it used to drive me crazy but as I got older, I embraced it! So, why now, at 54, was I suddenly freaking out.

As I took another sip of coffee, I reflected how easy it is for the enemy to sneak into our thoughts. Telling us that we are not worthy – not worthy of some worldly ideal that he established.

But if we work on silencing the noise in our head, we can begin to hear the loving whisper of Jesus reminding us of our true worth and beauty. And the more we listen for His voice, the clearer and louder it becomes. And thankfully, He is patient with us, because as I sat with Him longer, I was reminded that He was redefining my definition of self-image by changing my perception.

He wanted me to let go of the world’s idea of self-image; to let go of the importance the world has put on physical attributes (beauty and weight) and focus on the things of greater importance—my moral and intellectual attributes (love, kindness, generosity, and intelligence). For these are the images of myself that He wants me and the world to see.

The enemy loves for us to doubt our self-worth and to develop insecurities about ourselves. He wants us to believe that we are failing at measuring up to worldly ideals. What worldly ideals do you struggle with? How would your image of yourself change if you could hear Jesus’ voice telling you that you are beautiful in every way? What would your “Diary of Jesus” look like? Please share in the comments.