The Thought of Rejection

For me, there is nothing worse in the world than the thought of being rejected. Two days ago, a team of women, including myself, hosted a woman’s workshop at our church which thankfully, was an absolute success. For months we had planned, making sure that each speakers we had selected was perfect for the topics we had chosen, and ensuring every detail for the day was right. Our goal was to just pour into other women, lifting them up, encouraging them, and letting them know that they had a community of women to support them through whatever. While I was excited for the workshop, I was also excited that it was going to be the launch of a monthly brunch that I was planning on hosting at our church, or so I thought. After the workshop, our team came together to discuss what went well and what could be improved upon. During our debrief, the topic about my monthly brunches came up and before I could say anything, I was told that I needed to hold off and not plan anything. When I inquired why, I was simply told that I just needed to talk to our lead pastor.

I left the church and headed home with this feeling of dread in my heart. Why did I have to speak to our lead pastor? Had he changed his mind? The thought of not being able to bring women together each month to eat, talk, and support one another was devastating to me. In February of last year, after I had finished co-hosting a women’s conference at a partner church, the Holy Spirit had put on my heart that I needed to find a way to bring women from our church together in community. After much praying and just sitting silent, I was led to the idea of monthly brunches. So, in August, I began laying out the plan. I spoke with our lead pastor and other group leaders about my vision and asked for their feedback. I selected dates for each monthly brunch and created topics for discussion. Now what do I do? I thought to myself. What went wrong? I was absolutely confused.

Well, as it turns out, it was in that moment of confusion that the enemy found a small crack and climbed into my head causing complete havoc. The enemy knew that I still struggled with self-worth at times and he was using it to destroy me. For the rest of the night, I could not sit still. I rambled on and on about the thoughts in my head as Joe sat patiently listening to me. “Do you think he changed his mind and thinks this is a bad idea? Or maybe he likes the idea but thinks I am not the right person to do this. Do you think he feels that I am not capable of hosting the brunches? I bet it’s me and he just does not want me representing the church, right?” With each rambling, Joe would just respond with “Baby, just wait until you talk to him. You are going to drive yourself crazy.”

The next day after church, I tried to get up with our lead pastor but every time I saw him, he was talking with someone and I just did not want to interrupt. To be honest, I think I was afraid to talk to him. I was afraid that the thoughts that the enemy had seeped into my mind might actually be true. That I was not good enough and that I was being rejected. As Joe and I drove home, I sat in the passenger seat, just staring out the window. Joe reached over and grabbed my hand giving it a little squeeze, trying to assure me that everything was going to work out. I glanced over at him and smiled and then continued looking at the window.

By that evening, I had completely succumbed to the enemy’s lies and was accepting defeat. As much as I did not like the thought of being rejected, I did not know what else to think. I knelt down and talked with God. I told him that I was okay to step aside if I was not the one who was supposed to be chosen for this, but that I hoped that He would still allow the brunches to happen, as I knew that there was a need for women in our church to come together.

Around 4AM, I was awoken with a stirring in my heart. As I sat up in bed, I heard a voice speaking to me telling me that it was time to erase all the doubt and lies in my head. That I only needed to have trust in Him and that these brunches were put on my heart for a reason. That it was His will and His plan, and that I had indeed been chosen, not rejected. In that moment, a wave of peace washed over me and I knew that everything was going to be okay. I quickly bowed my head, asking God to forgive me for believing the enemy’s lies and I thanked Him for continual love and for this opportunity.

I am happy to say that when I finally did speak to our lead pastor, he only wanted to talk to me about the dates I had picked out as he wanted to make sure that they did not conflict with any other church events. I am saddened that I had allowed the enemy to creep into my mind and steal my peace for two days, but I am so thankful that God reached out and provided me the comfort and reassurance that I needed.

Have you ever experienced the feeling or thought of rejection? How has prayer and trusting in God helped you overcome those feelings and thoughts? What Bible verse do you turn to as a reminder of God’s unconditional love and acceptance in order to cope with those feelings or thoughts? Please share in the comments.